Swipe dream

When he swiped left,
he thought he knocked me sideways.
Dragged my selfie with his thumb,
and I’m gone from his screen,
gone from his dreams,
but I won’t dream of you.

With your Tinder bio filled with
humblebrags,
mumbled swag,
a fag between your teeth like you’re Tom Waits with Twitter,
except without the music
and you can’t even hold your liquor
until closing time.

Oh sorry… you vape now?
My mistake.
That’s really, truly great.
But you can blow
your candy floss,
nicotine steam
into someone else’s face,
because “I’m here for a good time not a long time”.

Let me be absolutely clear:
(though your ab pics are hard to stomach)
You’re not the only cliché here.

“You’ll find me in the library, at the theatre, or the pub”
(If you exaggerate to get a date, just come and join the club)

“Bookworm in the big city” (tell me that I’m pretty)
“Charity shopping is my life” (I want to be your wife)

Crime: Pretending to be Zooey Deschanel to have my confidence enlarged
Verdict: Unanimously and embarrassingly guilty as I’m charged