Can you talk the talk?

In the same vein as my latest post which talks about how to be kind to yourself even when you’re not making any work, this post is all about ‘the hard sell’ and how to talk to other people about your work without being nauseating.

I’m all for kindness to self right now; my focus is sharpening back onto myself and my work after my six-month hiatus from anything strictly ‘writer-y’ (which you can read about here if you haven’t already). As I enter back into the plunge pool of creativity (ew), I’m being reminded of what a wuss I am. This wuss-ness becomes most apparent when someone asks me how my writing is going and I am physically reduced to a blithering puddle of Martha.

I have written plays. That is plays as in the plural form of play; as in more than one play. And I don’t mean to sound cocky, but I think they’re really rather good (some of them anyway). I know this in my gut, but for some reason as soon as I have to talk to another human about my work, I am transformed to a gigantic, blushing, ridiculous slice of humble pie. I hesitate more than I say real words. I have a blog which is about pretending to be a writer instead of actually being one. I make stupid jokes until someone changes the subject.

THESE ARE ALL TERRIBLE THINGS TO DO.

Just as an initial disclaimer, this post is a classic example of “do as I say, not as I do”(like basically my entire blog) as I perhaps need this advice more than most of you reading this. So, how do you talk about your work without sounding like a douchebag or a wimp? I literally have no idea, but I imagine the following pointers are helpful:

Not writing, not writing, still not writing etc.

Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in; a hopelessly absent blogger looking for more attention from strangers on the Internet after a 6 month hiatus.

(BTW that’s me and I would really appreciate your rekindled adoration if you can possibly find it in your hearts to ignore the inexcusable amount of time I have not been around/cracking jokes/filling the blogosphere with joyous and relatable content. Also if you could turn on the adoration ASAP without asking too many questions that would be really great for me.)

It turns out this university lark is a lot more time-consuming than expected and my entire existence is made up of reading books, thinking/talking/writing about books, despairing about how good said books are and having existentialist crises about how I’ll never write anything as good (repeat to fade). I’m learning a lot, but simultaneously writing very little. In fact, this is the first thing I have penned this year which (hopefully) doesn’t take the form of a 4,000 word essay.

I thought to kickstart my glorious return as a classic comeback kid, I would write something about not writing and all the various feelings which come from being a non-writer.

Oxford University Reject

Hi, my name’s Martha and I’m an Oxford University Reject. 

I hope you read the first sentence of this post in a proud, ‘owning it’ voice and not a breathy, defeated one, because that is certainly the spirit in which it was intended. Maybe I should release an audio book to prevent any further confusion…

It’s taken me three years to move from whiney, deflated Oxford reject to strong independent reject who don’t need no Oxford! That’s your cue to burst into spontaneous applause – gosh I’m really having to spell things out for you today.

An open letter to voters in the EU Referendum

Dearest voters,

Most of you don’t know me, which makes this whole letter scenario rather odd on all accounts, but I will persevere nonetheless.

As the 23rd of June looms on the horizon and everyone who is registered will be asked to vote for the UK to either stay in the European Union or to leave it, I thought I would write to you.

The European Union was forged out of the destruction of the First and Second World Wars in the interest of peace, unity and economic prosperity. It is these underlying principles which you seek to protect by voting remain.

At the Brexit camp, many people will be telling you that to leave the EU is to safeguard the British spirit and identity; I would argue to the contrary. You only have to look at British Propaganda Posters from World War Two, to see what British values emerge as fundamental in times of crisis:

Source: www.businessinsider.com

For me, dear voters, these posters don’t speak of running and hiding when the going gets tough, but rather more a spirit of pulling together and staying put even in the face of hardship.

How to Overcome Writer’s Block

You know when you just feel so totally inspired that creativity is literally oozing from every pore as globules of gold? When everything just falls into place and with every step you take, the pavement lights up like in the ‘Billie Jean’ video? When you just feel lighter than air because you’re so incredibly inspired that you could just laugh and laugh and your laughter would peal through the air like an aria?

When every word you write is dripping with genius and comedy. When you are making intellectual references in a satirical and wry manner and everyone is in awe of your wit. When small sparrows come and land on your shoulders to chirp you little tunes while you work.

You know that feeling? Well, recently I haven’t felt like this at all. Not even a little bit.

Every word I write is like a fish out of water, floundering and flailing on the page, making a big mess and wafting a strange smell about the place. Gross.

Having just come to the end of my first year at university, I have the summer stretching ahead of me and with that comes the promise of writing, rewriting, writing etc. (ooh she’s sneaked that one in again). I have a lot of information to process as well as a few ideas for new projects, and yet I feel as though I am somehow lacking something. Before you ask, I’ve been eating all day so I know for sure it’s not food.

I often take issue with the word ‘inspiration’ because it reduces the creative process down to some kind of magical epiphany as if all great works were made purely on one sudden ‘EUREKA!’ moment, when actually it involves a lot of hard work, experimentation and refinement. Of course, a few eurekas along the way are no bad thing. I just like to shout it periodically for dramatic effect (if you get your kicks from profoundly confusing everyone in your immediate proximity, I couldn’t recommend this enough).

Sometimes, even when conditions are completely perfect, it might be difficult to get your writing to flow, so here are my top tips about combatting writer’s block:

‘She doesn’t even go here!’ – Meditations on impostor syndrome

Disclaimer: As I’m sure you have noticed, the word ‘meditations’ indicates these thoughts will be coherent, tranquil and life-changing with inspirational quotes an wisdom a’plenty. Please do not expect any of this, or I can guarantee you will be sorely disappointed.

The Fraud Police are the imaginary, terrifying force of ‘real’ grown-ups who you believe – at some subconscious level – are going to come knocking on your door in the middle of the night, saying:
We’ve been watching you, and we have evidence that you have NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE DOING. You stand accused of the crime of completely winging it, you are guilty of making shit up as you go along, you do not actually deserve your job, we are taking everything away and we are TELLING EVERYBODY.

– Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help. (If you haven’t read this. Do it. Do it now. Put the Internet down and read it.)

Does this sound at all familiar? This constant sensation that you’re not the right person for the job? That you’re not up to the task? That every imaginable success you have achieved in your entire lifetime is actually just the result of an administrative error or a typo? That your name won’t actually be on the list, and it’s just some elaborate ploy that the ENTIRE world is in on…except you? You have? Oh brilliant, I thought it was just me and Amanda Palmer.

Welcome to impostor syndrome – make yourself at home. Actually don’t! Instead, remain on the periphery, try not to mingle with anyone and certainly don’t give off the impression that you’re in anyway comfortable. That’s much more in-keeping with the whole ‘impostor’ shebang.

It’s like that feeling when you’re in primary school and the teacher asks a question to the class, so you raise your hand and he/she points at you. So, you start answering with ever so slightly too much confidence, only to be interrupted by the teacher: “No, Martha, not you. I was pointing at Roger.” At which, you slowly turn your head to see the smug face of Roger directly behind you, as he delivers the correct answer and gets a gold star on the wall chart.

Bitter? What are you talking about bitter? This is 100% hypothetical. Gah, you sound just like Roger.

A life spent feeling like an impostor when it comes to your own abilities can be tough sometimes, but many people feel exactly the same way. Including (surprise surprise), yours truly.

Reasons to not be a writer

Underneath the whole “follow your dreams! You can be anything you want to be! Shoot for the stars!” crap – there’s an incy wincy detail that doesn’t look so good on a Pinterest board labelled ‘Inspiration’ and it’s called real life.

Yeah, weren’t expecting that reality check so early on were you? I like to keep you on your toes.

In the real world, people are scared of creative industry, because it doesn’t always fit neatly into a 9-5 pre-packaged, buy one get one free career path, most people do all they can to convince you NOT to be an artist.

Here are some of the reasons they give:

It’s really competitive.

This is absolutely true. It seems like everyone who owns a Twitter account is a struggling artist, or one of those really annoying “bloggers” (they’re the worst). The reason for this being is that there aren’t such clear structures in place for creative people as there are for other careers. For example, if I wanted to become a doctor there are very specific things I can do in order to make that happen (i.e. going to medical school or getting over my loathing of sick people – they’re just SO whiney!) But if I want to be a writer, I can’t just go and work at a writing company and qualify as a writer – I just have to write, rewrite, write etc. (see what I did there) and make my own opportunity.

Thought of the day #3

[The word playwright] doesn’t stem from the verb ‘to write’. The noun ‘wright’ in the compound noun play-wright stems instead from the verb, ‘wright’ or in the past tense ‘wrought’. We are not writers–we don’t write plays, we wrought them.

Just as a shipwright has wrought a ship, or a wheelwright has wrought a wheel or a cartwright has wrought a cart, a playwright has wrought a play.

– Simon Stephens

This thought changed the way I thought about writing. As a person and a writer who is fascinated by the nuance of language, I often tie myself in linguistic knots. I can have characters discussing one another’s word choices for literally hours on end. That has its use, which is mainly for my own entertainment, but it overlooks the purpose of a playwright.

The very solitary act of writing can sometimes mean you only pander to your own thoughts and feelings, instead of considering the response of an audience. At the end of the day, as Stephens then goes on to say “The work of the playwright is not literary, we are not literary people, we are theatre makers.”

You can do it put your feedback in to it

Hello hello hello. So, this morning I realised that I actually haven’t talked about writing in a while…oops. This blog may as well be called Rambling, Re-rambling, Rambling etc. How to pretend you’re a blogger about writing when really you just want to talk about Made in Chelsea and how awkward you are. Hm. That’s catchy. I’m considering a re-brand…

Today I thought I’d talk about feedback. Is it useful? Who do I ask? Why is it called feedback? Will there be snacks? All your burning questions ANSWERED. Feedback is all part of the Rewriting process, something I talk about at length in a previous post which you can catch up on here.

Here are some of my top tips about feedback and where to find it (this is where you woop with delight because I’ve finally stopped talking about Made in Chelsea and I’m back on topic).

FEEDBACK 101:

So, you’ve written something and you think it’s supercalifragilisticexpealiAWESOME. But, you’re about to venture into the unknown terrain of ‘Feedback’. Will others like it? Am I a rubbish writer? Will there be snacks? Here’s how to make your feedback process as painless as possible…

Hi, I’m a rewriter…

Hiya, lovelies. Fancy seeing you here again!

I tried writing last week, but if you imagine my brain as a printer, I had the equivalent of a paper jam so I decided to just spare you all the fuss of calling a mechanic.

This morning I was staring listlessly at this blog o’ mine and I realised something despicable and glaring and awful and highly embarrassing. I have misled you, dear readers and for this I am truly sorry.

And, I’m over it.

As you know, I have given this blog the concise title of ‘Writing, Rewriting, Writing etc.: How to pretend you are an incredibly successful writer’ – It just rolls off the tongue doesn’t it? Well it occurred to me as I was lying in bed (gracefully and not at all slob-like, of course) that I have covered writing, I’ve covered pretending, I have made a noble attempt at successful but I have never even touched upon rewriting – a most delicate art form that no one ever talks about.

HOW DARE YOU NOT TELL ME, VILE FIENDS!!!

Today, assorted humans, I will impart what little knowledge I have about the elusive craft of Rewriting. Re-writing? Hyphen or not! We will march on!

I would argue that rewriting is harder than writing. A bold statement, indeed, let’s see if I can back it up…

Rewriting: Your questions answered

• Why is it so darn difficult? – You feel precious.
  Yup. Come on, admit it. The rumours are true. All creative people have to struggle with their emotional attachment to their own work and at what point these ties must be severed. When you write something, at least initially, there is a spontaneity and a freshness. To begin with, you have to let the words tumble from your lips and onto the page with some thought, but not so much that you tie yourself in knots. At this stage, it is easy to remain detached. But, once you fine-tune this beautiful literary vomit and start to think that it’s actually quite good – we make like Gollum in a cave and become precious. This makes rewriting almost impossible. My tip is – try to remember that they are just words that you strung together in a particular order and accidentally took ownership of. Because if you feel like you cannot rewrite, you deprive yourself of creating something even better than what you had to begin with.