exit

Like an archipelago, I’m in pieces.
Strung out in the ocean,
I gasp for breath.
Open-mouthed
I gulp above the waves, my lips
Suckling at air bubbles.
I’ve never felt quite so
Alone.

Your words sweat hatred from every pore and the stench fills the air. Wild and wide-eyed, I dart for a way out, but it seems we’ve already left.

Did nobody tell you the world isn’t just yours? There’s more to a door than an exit and I feel like we’ve been here before.

Have I heard these words in an echo? Held them warm and moist in my own mouth, or was that someone else? I forget. But now I am spitting them at your feet, letter by letter. Vowels and consonants wet with my saliva and tears. You can take your sweaty hate and the fingers in your ears; take them far, far away from here because I can’t bear the smell and the silence.

An open letter to voters in the EU Referendum

Dearest voters,

Most of you don’t know me, which makes this whole letter scenario rather odd on all accounts, but I will persevere nonetheless.

As the 23rd of June looms on the horizon and everyone who is registered will be asked to vote for the UK to either stay in the European Union or to leave it, I thought I would write to you.

The European Union was forged out of the destruction of the First and Second World Wars in the interest of peace, unity and economic prosperity. It is these underlying principles which you seek to protect by voting remain.

At the Brexit camp, many people will be telling you that to leave the EU is to safeguard the British spirit and identity; I would argue to the contrary. You only have to look at British Propaganda Posters from World War Two, to see what British values emerge as fundamental in times of crisis:

Source: www.businessinsider.com

For me, dear voters, these posters don’t speak of running and hiding when the going gets tough, but rather more a spirit of pulling together and staying put even in the face of hardship.

Explaining ‘Mansplaining’

mansplain verb (colloquial)

/manˈspleɪn/

The act (of a man) explaining something (to a woman) in a patronising or condescending manner.

Allow me to mansplain…

This is a fairly recent addition to our vocabulary to describe something which has been going on for centuries. ‘Mansplaining’ encapsulates some men’s belief that, on account of their gender, they are more entitled to speak on a given subject than a woman is.

Source: http://www.giphy.com

The phenomenon of ‘mansplaining’ speaks to a very specific situation, in which the man automatically assumes he is more informed than the woman based on little else except the fact that he is a man and she is a woman.

There is a very particular dynamic between the man and woman involved, which is based on an assumption that the woman is ill-informed. The man often uses patronising and gendered language such as referring to the woman as ‘dear’ or ‘sweetheart’ in order to undermine her or her opinions. In order for something to be considered ‘mansplaining’, there is a power play happening which is not based on the validity of the woman’s argument, but rather on her gender.

It happens ALL THE TIME. Watch the news, listen out on the street or in cafés for ‘listen-to-me-babe’s or ‘you-probably-wouldn’t-understand-sweetheart’s and you’ll be shocked by all the mansplaining mansplainers who mansplain mansplainingly.

But let us be completely clear about one thing: ‘mansplaining’ is a great word for calling sexist men out who patronise women just because they can. It is NOT a term to describe simply any man who is a) identifying as a feminist, b) discussing women’s rights, c) trying to engage with/find out more about feminism or social equality.

Less catcalls, more cats

Hello fellow Earth dwellers! I hope you’ve had a nice breakfast and are wearing an outfit that makes you feel awesome. I certainly am. This morning, my purple nail polish is chipped, I’m wearing 4 silver bangles and there’s a hole in my tights. Today will be a good day.

I thought I would discuss something I think every woman and girl has experienced at least once in her life: catcalling/street harassment.

OHMYGODSHE’SNOTGOINGTOTALKABOUTFEMINISMAGAINISSHE?*

DOESN’TSHEREALISETHATSHE’SALIENATINGTHEMAJORITYOFHERAUDIENCEBYTALKINGABOUTSUCHACONTROVERSIALTOPIC?**

* These prejudiced questions were brought to you by misinformed people who have not yet read my revelatory blogpost about street harassment

** (now available in CAPS LOCK/less spaces for your convenience/complete with added bullshit)

If these are some of the thoughts coming to your mind right now – try and ignore them. It’s just drivel to try and distract you from my wise words and wittiness.

When I was first catcalled, I was walking to my Saturday job in town. A much older man leaned out of his car, looked me up and down as his wolf-whistle pierced the sleepy Saturday morning peace. It was 8:30 am. I was 13 years old.

Hopelessly Devoted by Kate Tempest

I’ve been trying to think of imaginative ways to greet you, but I’m going back to basics with the classic;

Hello there

I’m so classy. I hope everything is wonderful and you’re all as chirpy as a chirper. If you’re not, there’s no need to worry, I have a blogpost that will turn your frown upside down into a beautiful (albeit slightly crumpled smile). I don’t really know what I’m talking about either, just smile and nod and I’ll go to sleep soon.

So, it’s the first day of the last month of the year. This is incredibly exciting because it’s now socially acceptable to eat chocolate before breakfast. But remember folks, eating chocolate is not just for christmas, it’s a year-round lifestyle choice.

Because it’s Christmas, I am purposefully not going to talk about Christmas. This is because I’m so alternative and I don’t believe in bombarding you with festive boughs of merriment…yet. That’s a December 14th kind of blogpost, for sure.

Note: Is blogpost one word or two? No idea. Apologies if I have been wrong all this time – I am a menace to society.

No, I’m not going to talk about Christmas, because you’re most likely aware that Christmas is occurring and I’ll leave it to, you know, everyone else to coerce you into shaking your bellies like bowls full of jellies (eh, I tried).

Instead I am going to talk about a wonderful wonderful wonderful piece of theatre that I saw this week – ‘Hopelessly Devoted’ by Kate Tempest. If you aren’t aware of Kate Tempest – hang your head in shame. She’s a spoken word artist/rapper/Mercury prize nominee/poet/playwright/general goddess.

Bit o’ background: James Grieve (one of the co-artistic directors of Paines Plough) saw Kate Tempest performing live, and commissioned her to write her first play ‘Wasted’. Paines Plough is a touring theatre company (which I have had the pleasure and good fortune of working with), who work with playwrights all over the country to create amazing amazing work.

I saw this play on Tuesday, without even having to leave my house. That’s right, the entire cast came to my home and performed the show just for me. Well, actually that didn’t happen, as believable as it may have sounded. I really do toy with your emotions on this blog, don’t I? Don’t I understand that I’m a role model for young people everywhere? In the words of Lena Dunham:

I don’t want to freak you out, but I think that I may be the voice of my generation.

I will most definitely reflect on Lena Dunham’s sheer awesomeness in another episode of ‘Writing, Rewriting, Writing etc.’. I’m afraid we can only discuss one inspirational woman at a time. I know it’s sad, but we’ll make it through.

The F-word

Good morning, various Earth-dwellers. No I’m not running out of ways to greet you, what a ridiculous question. Have you missed me? So have I. It’s not the same when I’m gone.

MY BUSINESS CARDS HAVE ARRIVED. IT’S OFFICIALLY BUSINESS TIME.

The vision in orange you can see pictured above, are my beautiful, beautiful business cards. I feel very sophisticated indeed. Like I’m the kind of person that drinks red wine and is knowledgeable about Polish art films.

I hope you have all had a lovely week. I have. It involved some sparkly earrings that make me feel like a princess, Harry Potter & The Half Blood Prince, pyjamas and vanilla slices (a.k.a Mille Feuille/a.k.a food of the gods).

Now, I have a confession to make.

I am a feminist.

*Shock horror*

For some reason, identifying with this word has become something of a statement recently. It seems that the stigma surrounding the word has increased over the years, to such an extent that the actual ideology has been associated with various myths. The thing about a myth is, is that it’s very very loosely based on some vague notion of the what could be the truth which has become exaggerated and modified over time to eventually become a distortion of the facts.

Feminism has a really bad reputation in the modern world. This means that not only are we attempting to dismantle the patriarchy (a pretty hard job in itself), but now, we are also tasked with defending ourselves against all of these myths. That’s what I’m going to attempt to do today. Keep an open mind, and don’t interrupt.

1. “All feminists hate men.” This is not true. In fact, believe it or not, most of us enjoy male company. If anyone who calls themselves a feminist does hate men, this is a personal life choice, and not a requirement that goes along with the ideology. There isn’t a questionnaire or an initiation. Believe it or not, feminists are just people who want to make the world a more accepting place for both genders. Feminists don’t hate men. Feminists are working to dismantle the sexism and the patriarchy and promote gender equality. Now, I know what you’re thinking – Hold the front door, ‘fem’ = female / ‘pat’ = male, this is women against men. Sorry, that’s not true either. To be quite honest with you, it is of little consequence what we call the things. Words are just letters in a particular order that we associate with various objects and concepts. Yes, feminism does just so happen to be called feminism and the patriarchy does just so happen to be called the patriarchy, this is most likely because women (fem) generally are the oppressed group in the scenario that we call life, and men (pat) are those who benefit from the patriarchy. But it’s important to remember that they could just as easily be called flargan-shonan and perdingralar, and that would not change anything. (Well it would make them more fun words to say)

2. “All feminists are lesbians.” Some feminists probably are lesbians, yes, well done. Some feminists are heterosexual women, yes, well done. Some feminists are transgender, bisexual, asexual, pansexual – yes that’s also true. Some feminists are men – aha! Didn’t see that one coming, did ya? So what? The sexuality/gender of a group of people fighting for a cause is irrelevant. The reasons this myth is used as an argument against feminism are: a) Some people are homophobic morons and try to use ‘lesbian’ as an insult. It’s not working. We had a meeting. b) Because when someone doesn’t understand something, they move to the realm of the personal in order to try and undermine the persons they are arguing against, instead of actually finding flaws in the opposing argument i.e. Yeah? Is that so? Well – you’re ugly! (You’re not ugly, I was just using that as an example. You’re all beautiful)